Updated: Apr 26, 2021
Do you have any baby pictures of yourself? Dig one out and look at your few months or few years old self. What do you see?
There is a chance you see a happy, smiling round face baby with sparks in her or his eyes. You were not worried about your pose, if the picture will show your double chin or your outfit was fashinable enough. You were content and authentic. Maybe you didn't smile at all, you were crying on the photo for some unknown reason. One thing is sure: you as a baby were authentic. You did what you wanted and didn't think much of others opinion.
If we were lucky our parents loved us and gave us what we needed, cuddles and food, shelter and safety.
(On this picture below I have this half-smile because I hated it when they said I need to smile. My conditioning already started...)
But our parents are not perfect. They gave us what they could and - most importantly - what they were capable of. I don't mean only financially. They learned to love themselves - or not - from their parents and they got many subconciuos beliefs and fears from previous generations too.
As we grow we "download" the behaviour of our parents, grandparents and we act in a certain way as they taught us. We are the mirrors. We learn that we are smart or dumb, fat or skinny, we are like our aunt who was a terrible person and many times the love we receive is depending on our behavious, what kind of grades we get in school and so on.
Slowly we forgot about the perfect baby who we were once. We learn we are not good enough, start to compare ourselves to others who are better and we feel inadequate. We are not only judged by others we start judjing ourselves too. Usually our self-judgement is harsher than what we hear from others.
Look at your life! When did you start -if ever - losing your confidence and yourself?
I remember the first episode - when I felt nobody cares about me and I don't count - was when I was very young, maybe two years old. I was waking up from a nap in my crib and cried. But nobody came to pick me up for a long time. It sounds like a very small incident but it was huge for me. I felt I am alone and they forgot about me.
Another time was when I got a beautiful poncho when I was 4 or 5. I was very proud if it and felt pretty. My uncle said to my mom that she spoiling me and I will be a little brat who cares about only fashion when she will grow up. I felt very bad about my poncho (and myself feeling pretty) and after that I didn't wear it any more.
We all have those events and sometimes we don't even remember but we know we somehow became our own biggest critique.
What can we do to become our own best friend instead of our biggest enemy?
Well, you have to make a decision that it's enough. We are not responsible for what happened to us when we were kids but we are responsible for dealing with those traumas now. If you need to because your past still haunts you, go and find a good pshychologist who will help you.
If you feel the past is the past and you want to move on then make this decision that you had enough of not being enough! Sometimes an illness, losing someone or other harsh life events move you out of your comfortzone when you discover you can't live your life the same way as you used to. Cherish those moments because they create change. They might be scary first but if they wouldn't be you wouldn't move, right?
But first and most, make a decision that you want change. Once you make a full hearted choice for yourself, you are already winning! The how will unfold and you will be on your way loving and appreciating who you really are.
Are you ready to become a self-loving YOU?
If you absolutely have no idea, how can you change things for the better in your life, I can help you. I went through many changes and I have tools to share with you.
Reach out to me and let's talk.
Sending you love and hugs,
If you liked this post, leave a comment or share it. My motivation is to inspire to love yourself first because life really gets better when you do. I as a self-love mentor offer a free life coaching session to those who want to love themselves more. Ask me about it!
Anita Papp is a self-love mentor and life coach, empowering people to respect and love themselves more. Her passion is to wittness her clients transformation becoming thriving, self-loving authentic and confident individuals who know they can create the life they want and couragous enough to choose it.
If you have any questions, please send an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
You can also book a free coaching session with her here